


Pride and Prejudice

by stephanieh



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Crack, Domestic Avengers, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4043086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephanieh/pseuds/stephanieh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Steve struggles with this century, Tony is running it. Both sides come with disadvantages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pride and Prejudice

Steve knew how to turn on a toaster. What he didn't know was how to turn on a toaster that didn't have an “on” switch. Thinking of JARVIS, he said aloud, “Hello...toaster? Uh- toaster, activate?” The toaster did not reply.

 

Feeling like a fool, Steve set his untoasted bagel on a plate figuring he'd have to settle for a less than perfect breakfast. He'd eaten worse things, that was for sure.

 

“Having some trouble there, Cap?” called a husky, amused voice from the doorway.

 

Steve barely restrained himself from flinching. Tony Stark was the last person he wanted as a witness to him trying to verbally communicate with a toaster. “No, thank you. I was just putting together some breakfast. You know- the meal people eat when they regularly wake up before thirteen-hundred hours.”

 

“Really, because it sounded to me like you were having some trouble... Toaster related trouble,” Tony raised his eyebrows, a coy smile curling his lips. Steve imagined him as a shark in that moment, and he'd smelled blood in the water.

 

“Sounds to me like you're imagining things,” Steve insisted, taking a matter-of-fact bite of his cold, soggy bagel. Tony hummed, fastening his expensive looking pair of cuff links on the sleeves of his even more expensive looking suit. “Business?”

 

“Yeah, headed out of town for a few days. Make sure you call me if there's trouble- even battling a giant slime monster from the deep blue would be a party compared to meetings with the Board of Trustees.”

 

“Will do,” Steve replied, watching Tony saunter out.

 

Not a moment after, Bruce stumbled in the kitchen with Cat at his heels meowing frantically for her morning meal.

 

Cat was a stray Natasha had rescued from the rubble of an apartment building a few months earlier. She had taken a liking to Bruce, and no one had objected. Cat's dependence on him seemed to provide a sort of therapy for the otherwise solitary scientist.

 

“Good morning,” Steve greeted. “Can you show me how to work this thing?” he added, trying to sound offhand but only succeed in mildly exasperated.

 

“The toaster?” Bruce nodded sleepily. “Yeah, sure. But, uh- didn't Tony just walk out of here? He's probably more educated in the ways of his kitchen appliances than I am.”

 

“Yeah, he did. He seemed busy though, so I didn't wanna bother him.”

 

“Oh,” Bruce replied simply, gracefully sidestepping Cap's lie. He examined the toaster in silence for a moment. And then another moment more. “Hm,” he said. “It seems to be missing the on switch. That is a definitely a design flaw.”

 

“Agreed,” Steve said in his most official tone.

 

As the two men stood there staring at the toaster, Natasha came in from the elevator, already in full combat dress despite it being barely past eight. She assembled a bowl of her customary granola with almond milk and perched herself on one of the stool surrounding the kitchen's island, observing the scene taking place with passive curiousity.

 

All was quiet aside from Cat's yowling until Clint sauntered in. “Uh, what's up with the toaster?” he asked, looking to Natasha, who simply shrugged.

 

“Nothing,” Bruce murmured. “That's the problem.”

 

“If anyone can find the on switch, it'll be you, Hawkeye,” Steve declared irritably, taking the toaster and setting it down in front of Clint. He marched out the kitchen. Having had enough of Stark's 'futuristic' kitchen appliances for one morning, he was going to the gym.

 

Clint took this as a challenge.

 

He scoured the gleaming metal of the toaster's exterior casing, wiggled each of its knobbly plastic feet in turn. He pressed and prodded and coaxed the machine. Finally, he banged it violently against the corner of the counter, causing Bruce and Cat to jump.

 

“Nope,” Clint declared. “No on button here.”

 

Natasha, having finished her breakfast, smirked. She snatched the toaster away from Clint, beginning her own examination. Bruce and Clint took this as their cue to flee. If there was something to find, Natasha would find it. If there was nothing to find, Natasha- who was much more patient than Clint- would keep looking.

 

The next day presented no breakthroughs in the case of the toaster.

 

If the Avengers had caught wind of any disturbances in the city, they would've been on it like flies on a picnic, but they had no such luck. With nothing much to focus their considerable energies on, the toaster became their primary concern. By the third day of Tony's absence, Natasha had spent over ten hours in excruciating examination of it. Bruce had checked on it several times a day as if to moniter changes in its behavior. Steve had glared at it each morning as he ate his cold bagel from across the kitchen, as if trying to wear it down.

 

“I do not understand the preoccupation you all have with this... bread warmer. I am accustomed to seeing this sort of behavior in Tony Stark with his machines... but I must admit it suits the rest of you ill,” Thor opened. He had been away on some Asgardian business for the past few days. Having missed the bridge into toaster-mania, Bruce could see why he was confused.

 

“It's the principle of the thing,” Steve insisted.

 

“If you wish to eat toast, let me make it for you the Asgardian way!”

 

Clint and Natasha were lured from their posts by the temptation of lighting-struck bread. Left alone with their puzzle, Bruce and Steve sat silently for a moment until Bruce caught Steve's eye from across the table.

 

“Either you really want a warm bagel, or this is about something else,” Bruce began.

 

“What about you,” he wondered. “I've never even seen you eat bread.”

 

“Gluten intolerant.”

 

“Ah.”

 

Lighting lit the sky in a brilliant flash, followed by the cheers of their team mates somewhere on the roof.

 

“You know,” Bruce hedged. “No one expects you to figure all this new tech- this new world- out by yourself.”

 

Steve frowned at his reflection in the toaster's casing. “I do.” _Stark_ _could,_ _if he were me._

 

Bruce nodded, crossing his arms and looking down as he leaned against the counter. “Don't tell him I said this- if his head gets any bigger it won't fit in the suit... but Tony practically invented the world we live in. You can't walk down the street without seeing a piece of StarkTech.”

 

“He would be as lost in the stone age as you are here and now. Just because you drew the short end of the stick, doesn't mean you should feel like you have to prove yourself to the person who holds the larger half.”

 

Struck by the fact that Bruce had both apparently read his mind, and the fact that was the longest speech he had ever heard the man give in one go- Steve couldn't gather a suitable reply before Bruce was gone, fleeing from the kitchen without so much as an upward glance.

 

And it stung a bit, that sudden departure. But, Steve reminded himself, Bruce- like most of his teammates- had been alone for a long time. It would take time before they learned to trust again, assuming they had every known how to do so in the first place.

 

The next morning was the morning Tony was scheduled to return from his business meeting. Steve swallowed his pride and went down to the kitchen to wait, intending to confess his technological illiteracy with the honor of a warrior defeated. He was very tired of cold bagels.

 

When he arrived, he found the Avengers assembled- waiting around the kitchen table in various stages of suspense. Steve smiled fondly at his team just as he heard the elevator door ding behind him.

 

“Jarvis,” Tony grumbled as he stumbled in, rubbing his eyes. “A drink.”

 

“It's eight in the morning,” Steve chided.

 

“All the more reason- why does it look like the toaster is under interogattion?” Tony inquired, looking deeply unnerved at his teammates as the sat circled around his home-made kitchen appliance.

 

“Stark,” Steve sighed, deeply regretting the words which were about to pass from his lips. “I need your help with the toaster.”

 

“Jarvis,” Tony asked. “Did you record that statement?”

 

“ _Yes, sir.”_

 

“Good. Set it as my ringtone.”

 

Steve ground his teeth in an effort not to snap. “Just show me how to work it.”

 

“Gather 'round, children,” Tony called, entering the kitchen with a flourish. “To witness my genius.”

 

Tony set the toaster upright on the counter, and the team leaned in closer in spite of themselves.

 

Taking two pieces of nearby bread and placing them in the slots, he cracked his fingers grandly and then- with a gesture similar to the one which operates the repulsors in the suit's gauntlets- he activated it.

 

 _Ding_ , the toaster said, spitting out two perfectly browned pieces of toast.

 

There was a moment of dead silence before Bruce muttered, “You made a toaster out of replusor tech?”

 

“That's ridiculous,” Steve growled.

 

“No, that's _awesome_ ,” Tony insisted

 

“How could anyone else know how to operate a toaster based of the technology of _your_ suit?”

 

“We should've learned by now, kids,” Clint declared, leaning his chair back so it was balancing on two legs. “Everything's about Iron Man.”

 

“That's what you get for living in the Casa de Stark.”

 

“Brilliant,” Steve grumbled, stalking out of the room. He needed to punch something.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not all of the chapters will be toasters & everything is better with cats


End file.
